The show began with a backstage segment with the majority of the superstars enjoying an Independence Day feast, before a mass food fight broke out, because ha ha ha another food fight on a holiday, ending with the Big Show and Kane double choke-slamming Heath Slater through a table.
Then of course, it was time for Lillian Garcia to proudly boast out the national anthem of America, which has something to do with freedom and things. Be prepared for a lot of ‘Murica things on tonight’s show. Oh, and the ropes were Red, White, and Blue for good measure. Freedoms.
The chants of “USA! USA! USA!” were gleefully crushed by the greatest US Champion of all time, RuRu, who defended his title against Titus O’ Neil, who was dressed as Uncle Sam. (I secretly despised Titus from that point onwards). Titus started the match on top, tossing RuRu around the ring. It wasn’t long until RuRu got back into the match however, suplexing Titus out of the ring before launching him into the steel steps. Titus then power-slammed Rusev, before hitting him with the Clash of the Titus, in which Rusev kicked out of at two. Rusev then hit Titus with two huge kicks to the head, before locking in the Accolade, making Titus tap out. Rusev is still the best ever US champion. Rusev then wished America a happy birthday, before lifting the title high above his head. I love you, Rusev.
Next up it was time for some Tag Team action, with the Social Outcasts coming out dressed as the Minutemen (No Fallout fans, just no) facing off against Enzo and Big Cass. Enzo then listed off all of the presidents in America’s history. (Editor’s Note: As an American, I can confirm that approximately zero Americans can do that…)
Enzo started off against Bo Dallas, who immediately isolated Amore in their corner and exchanged quick tags. Enzo took advantage of an Axel error, and tagged in Big Cass, who cleared the ring of the Social Outcasts. Enzo then hit his finishing move onto Bo Dallas, and won the match. 34 minutes into Raw and I believe JBL has mentioned it’s America’s birthday around 1776 times. (I know what I did there).
Next up, the Women’s Champion Charlotte was in the ring with her ‘protégé’ Dana Brooke. She spoke about her being the very best at everything she does, and that’s why she’s champion. And that’s why Sasha Banks is incredibly jealous of her. Sasha then made her way to the ring to confront Charlotte. She then mentioned that Charlotte never beat her, and she’d defeat her easily in a one-on-one. The confrontation then turned physical, with Sasha hitting the Bank Statement on Charlotte, before Dana made the save.
It was then time for a ‘rare’ champion vs champion match, with WWE Champion Dean Ambrose taking on the intercontinental champion, the Miz. Dean started the matchup on top, launching Miz to the outside before throwing him against the barricade. The Miz then body dropped Dean into the timekeeper’s area, before kissing Maryse.
The match returned after the break with Miz still on top, working the left leg of Dean Ambrose, before locking in the figure four leg lock. Dean made his way to the bottom rope to break the hold, before throwing the Miz back to the outside. Ambrose then hit Miz with huge rights, before launching himself through the middle ropes and flattening the Miz. Dean then hit Dirty Deeds, before arrogantly sliding his way over and pinning the Miz for the win. Seth Rollins then interrupted Dean’s celebrations, and Dean decided to join commentary for Seth’s upcoming match.
So, with a lunatic WWE Champion on commentary, it was time for Seth Rollins against Dolph Ziggler. Dolph started the matchup on top, forcing Seth to take a moment to gather himself on the outside. Rollins then finally got himself into the match, hitting Dolph with a huge Inzaguri.
The match returned after the break, with Dolph back in control, hitting Seth with several cross-body’s and an elbow drop. Dolph then hit a huge superkick to gain a very very close 2-count. Rollins was then able to counter an attempted Zigzag, and turn it into a Pedigree and pick up the win. Rollins then jumped on the mic and proclaimed that he should have his one-on-one match at Battleground, and that Roman shouldn’t be anywhere near the match. Dean had soon heard enough, and began assaulting Rollins, before hitting Dirty Deeds on the announce table.
The Wyatt’s then had a video package, menacingly inviting the New Day to their home, where they claim they will expose the power of positivity as a myth.
Vickie Guerrero then made a brief appearance, stating her claim as to why she should be the new COO for Smackdown, before she was escorted away by security. On her way out, she ran into Dolph backstage, pleading for him to help her stay. Dolph informed security that he’d never seen her in his entire life…and she was carried out.
Big Show rallied up the pro-USA superstars with a heartfelt, passion speech. It was so sweet I threw up Red, White, and Blue.
Then it was time for more tag team action, with The Vaudevillains being reduced to fighting against The Golden Truth, with Breezango at ringside.
The Golden Truth picked up a win in a quick matchup, winning with Solid Gold. This is against the same team that two weeks ago were in a championship match at Money In The Bank. For shame WWE, for shame.
Then it was time for Johnny Cena to come out and discuss his problems with the club. He spoke about how he knew that if he fought one member of the club, he was fighting all of them. He then called out the entirety of the club, an invitation they graciously accepted. The club then spoke about how they ran Tokyo, and soon they will run the WWE.
They also reminded Cena that he has nobody to come and help him, because he is who he is. AJ then proclaimed that every week he shows up; they will beat him up. And then they proceeded to do so. Enzo and Cass then make their way to the ring to make the save and protect John Cena and clear out the club. And nobody really knows why.
Next up it was time for the first – and only – women’s match of the night, with Summer Rae taking on Becky Lynch. Summer Rae started the matchup on top, kicking Becky in the head several times, before placing her in a headlock. Becky then got back into the match, hitting Summer with straight fire before hitting a Bexploder Suplex, and then locking in the Dis-arm-Her and picking up the win via submission.
It was then time for the power of positivity, with the NEW DAAAAY making their way to the ring. They spoke about the Wyatt’s, but were interrupted by the aforementioned family. Bray spoke about how they must prove themselves and come to their compound. Big E and Kofi kept mocking the Wyatts, but Xavier remained serious. He warned the other two that if they can’t see the risk that the Wyatt’s pose, then the New Day could be coming to an end.
Finally, it was time for the 16-man elimination tag team match and main event, with Team USA, consisting of Apollo Crews, The Dudley Boyz, Big Show, Kane, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, and Zack Ryder against The Multi-National Alliance, consisting of Alberto Del Rio, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, Sheamus, Chris Jericho, Cesaro, and the Lucha Dragons.
The match started with Kevin Owens taking on Zack Ryder, but there were quick tags on both sides and Sin Cara and D-Von Dudley both came in. Sin Cara was the first man to be eliminated after being hit with the 3D, but Kalisto got instant revenge, eliminating Bubba Ray Dudley with a flying cross body.
The matchup returned from commercials with Cesaro and D-Von in the ring. Cesaro then sent D-Von swinging, before eliminating him after he submitted to the sharpshooter. Jack Swagger came in, as did Jericho. Jericho countered the swagger bomb and hit him with a codebreaker and pinning him, leaving team USA with 5 member left, to the 7 left on the multinational alliance.
After another set of breaks, Del Rio was taking on Apollo Crews. Crews hit a huge drop kick on Del Rio, before Henry and Kalisto were tagged in. Henry hit the world’s strongest slam on Kalisto, eliminating him, before Kevin Owens hit Henry with a pop-up powerbomb and eliminating him. Owens was then DQ’d for using a chair, as was Kane. With the score now being 4-3 to the multi-national alliance, before quick eliminations to Zayn and Crews made is 3-2. This match is incredibly clustered and confusing.
Jericho and Ryder were then the two legal men in the ring, as Jericho proudly sang the national anthem of Canada. Cesaro then began hitting the remaining members of his team with uppercuts. Cesaro then got eliminated by Zack Ryder whilst he was distracted. Big Show was finally tagged in, and immediately eliminated Jericho and Del Rio via pinfall. So it was just Sheamus left. Big show continued his dominance, and made the tag to Zack Ryder, who hit Sheamus with the Rough Ryder and team Murica picked up the win in an awful, awful match.
The show ended with Stars and Stripes Forever being played, the flag on display and fireworks going off in the distance. God damn colonials.
So that was all for this week’s Murica’ fuelled Raw, don’t miss this week’s smackdown though as Brock Lesnar’s SummerSlam opponent will be announced.
Liam’s Raw Rating: 5.5/10